I am a testimony of what can happen when a praying wife asks the Lord to change her idiot husband and make him into the man of God that he is supposed to be! I say this: if I can change – any man – or woman - can change and be restored back to their mate!

The reason that I changed was because a man that I held deep respect for literally, got in my face and confronted me and was not afraid to “hurt my feelings or make me feel uncomfortable.” He had every intention of doing all of that and more, because he cared for me enough to step into my mess and deal with me. He told me once that he did it because he saw something in

me that maybe even I did not see. He said that he knew that was what it would take and believed that I was worth the risk! He also did it, knowing the time that it would take out of his and his wife’s life to see us restored. They counted the cost and spend much time with us, seeing us through the mess and into healing and restoration! We owe them much for what they have given us! We met with them regularly, at least once a week, for over two years in their home!

When we do not impose ourselves into the lives of those the Lord has entrusted to us to deal with their messes, we are really telling them that we do not think that they are worth the trouble that it will take to walk them out of where they are. How sad that is for the church, when Jesus did the exact opposite! I believe that it is time for leadership to lead. We can lead by pulling them out of where they are.

I thank God for that man almost every day of my life for he was bold and not afraid to stand up to me and demand that I listen to him. He insisted that I spend time with him – and that it was mandatory! He gave me no choice! He would not let me choose otherwise and the result of that insistence has been growing in my life, in my wife’s life and in our marriage for the past 30 years!

Somehow this has been lost in the church and we have bought the lie that we cannot impose or make demands on someone as to their walk with the Lord. I can tell you that my life would not be the same had he decided to not get involved to the place where it took up many evenings with him and his wife pouring into us and teaching us the real Gospel – the marriage relationship. He demanded of me that I obey him in his counsel and he gave me a promise – that the Lord would restore us and make us into His image.

What happened was my wife, who had no hope of ever being happy, was healed in her heart. I had to make changes in my life and over the two years that we counseled with them – yeah, two years – nothing wonderful ever comes easy or quickly – the Lord began to make changes in me that became tangible enough for my wife to see it in me. It was difficult because I was under a microscope and the other three were constantly telling me how to live – and I let them! I thank God for this man and woman of God and their friendship. We still keep in touch and see each other at least once a year. It is like we never stayed apart.

That is what awaits a couple in trouble, if we can just decide to stick it out long enough with them and not let them chicken out when it begins to get difficult. The enemy’s voice gets loud in those times, I can tell you by experience! But the Word must be louder coming from our mouths to encourage them to live the right way and not buy the lie of the enemy. The message that we must send to those we minister to is that we are not leaving them until they are delivered, healed and restored!

I have had the privilege of mentoring some young men over the years and I have found a common thread of experience among all of them. They all have told me that they have had many older men, fathers in the faith, make the promise to stick it out with them. But their unfortunate experience has been otherwise. They were all dropped along the way and forgotten. Suddenly, they were not available to meet, or worse yet, not even reachable to talk to! I think that this is deplorable. Pastors and Elders must keep their word – even if it means to our hurt.

It is not convenient to mentor a young man, let alone two or more at one time. Yet, how could I say no, after what was given to me? How could I turn them away when I have been blessed with a true father in the faith who stuck it out with both of us? I must do the same and maybe more.

In conclusion, the message of the Gospel is compelling in the changing of a person’s life. It is more compelling to those in leadership over that person to oversee that change and to make sure that they grow in grace and the favor of the Lord. Sometimes that will require tough love and correction, just like with our children. But the tough love will cause them to fear the Lord, respect and honor authority and generally grow in a father-son or mother-daughter relationship as a result.

I guarantee that there were many times that I did want to hear, much less adhere to what I was been instructed. Pride was certainly an issue that had to be dealt with. I thought many times that I was being picked on and that they were just looking for things in my life to complain about. Deep down, I knew that was not really the truth because I knew that they really loved me and cared about me as much as my wife and family. I knew because they constantly told me and it gave them a license to speak deep into my soul.

Likewise, we must teach them the significance of the Mystery surrounding the marriage and Christ and His body. We must emphasize the honoring of the covenant and teach that God hates divorce, and as such, teach them to stay together, no matter what. If we can lay hands on the sick and see them recover, we can lay hands on these marriages and see them recover as well.